inexistence

One week later – pretty good timing on keeping a journal. The rest of last week went well. I started my bull kelp spore project and have some new ideas of where to go from there. It is a lot to plan out, and I have a lot of ideas and things to consider, so sorting out my thoughts has been tough.

Last weekend, we did some climbs at Goat Rock and met up with Alex to grab drinks and go freediving on Sunday. The water was around 55F and pretty chilly, but very fun to get in the water, even if the visibility was trash. I also kept thinking of sharks, but need to come to terms with the fact that they exist here (in Northern CA waters), and there is still a very small chance of encountering one. We grabbed some urchins, crabs, and Alex speared some rockfish that we had for dinner. 

Life has been pretty chill recently. The move has been smooth, and now we are just hanging in Petaluma. We went around here last week and loved it, the downtown was very lively and fun to walk around. 

One of my friends is not doing great this week. She is thinking deeply about life and society, and pondering some questions that I think I went through at her age, too, and I remember her telling me to not be so angry and upset, and here she is being super furious about religion and puritan culture and how it has reached into all the values that people find dear. Why can’t we be good people without religion? Why do we need a god to send us to hell to act decently? It sent me down a whirlwind of existential feelings that are tough to ignore and really make me feel ‘bleh’. My mental health has been pretty good so far, and over the past few months. But her pain is my pain, and I know how she feels, but I don’t know the best way to be there for her. 

Late June was the beginning of my life in Northern California, and those first few months exploring Sonoma County have further solidified that if we ever return to California, it will be in that area or further North. The beauty, the friendly communities, and the wilderness are outstanding, followed by rather decent weather. I miss the van days. I miss the simplicity that living in a van brings. The space is small, so you have more time for other things like climbing all day Saturday and free-diving for your dinner on Sunday, what a pleasant existence. It makes you consider what you really need in life to be present. Granted, we did not have a full toilet or a shower, so are those conveniences of our house worth the extra maintenance involved with having this extra space? It is something to think about. Moreover, the space we have here in Denmark would be considered small in the USA, yet here we are living in a much larger place than many of our friends and colleagues in similar life stages. (For reference, our condo is 82 square meters, which is approximately 885 square feet.) I am drawn to a minimalist life, probably thanks to the van life and also the months I spent living in a tent for my job back in 2016! I am constantly decluttering and really trying to resist the consumerist culture that plagues modern societies with capital to spend. Almost everything we purchase is second-hand, and Christoph and I have made it a point to consider if an item is something we need, or if we can borrow it, or can we improvise? And this feels good. I enjoy having this at the core of our values.

Speaking of values, the last paragraph from this entry in 2021, still rings true to my sense of self today. I can still get worked up about puritan culture and how toxic religion can be, but now that I am living in Europe and particularly Denmark, I feel a lot more nonchalant about this issue. It seems the USA lives in constant contradiction of itself, being a country founded on ‘freedom of religion’ yet not tolerating minority religions, and as of recently, attempting to bring religion into government. Which, mind you, is the whole reason people left Europe to build a new country in the USA… but I digress. I absolutely love that I rarely encounter religion in Denmark. No one yelling on the streets that you are going to hell, no young indoctrinated kids knocking on your doors trying to convert you, and almost non-existent discussions about the role of religion in politics. 

People have a right to believe what they want, but the diversity of beliefs must be respected, and just because someone has a larger voice than another, it does not mean that they should get more weight. Additionally, there are many truths that religions conveniently leave out of their teachings, and love to cherry-pick and dance around taboo topics. This is what riles me up, but as we continue to progress in our learning about history (about how the bible was written, just based on some people deciding what stories seemed good, which were of course stolen from religions and cultures previous), I believe we as humans can find understanding with one another. Namely, by acknowledging our blind spots and stopping to listen to others, and ‘placing faith’ in yourself and your capabilities as an intelligent being to think deeply about how you want to present yourself in the world. Where do your values come from? And do you need to be guided from some book, or do you have the capacity to define your own beliefs based on your life experiences?