inexistence

Within 34 years of life on this Earth, I am reaching a transitional time not only within myself but at a time point in human existence where recognition of time’s value is apparent. A slow progression over the year (or two) of my time being sucked into the abyss of the internet, the degradation of my attention to the world, and a loss of wonder to the infinitely accessible knowledge we possess at our fingertips. 

While turning my attention to observation, I frequently loop the constant internal debate of my existence, and how do we know we exist? What are we besides a sentient body moving through a world we might have thought into existence in the first place? Well, my simple answer to my own ponderings is that I have become a collection of memories and experiences that have shaped what I am and how I operate in life. 

Reflecting upon the question “how are we aware of our existence?” created a desire to peek back at my 11 years of journaling to feel again what it means to be human, to experience growth in myself that is validated by these symbols I marked on pages (possibly the only proof that I have shifted through time). So here is to the start of in existence, a weekly reflection of my life so far – a drop of human in the merging natural and electronic world. A step back to times when a pen and paper could mark a point of time, a point of existing in the world, brought to the electrons of this media. 

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October 15, 2014

Well I am officially 23 and I had the most amazing bday weekend ever even though I had to work! I love the friends we met here, we all fit so well together and I can’t imagine not having them in my life, especially now. Friday night I got hammered in 3.5 seconds lol shots on shotz! Needless to say, my waking up not knowing where I was made it great. Meeting so many travelers makes me crave change and the desire to move and continue meeting new people, you know? But for now we are good here on the Gold Coast. I still feel so lucky to be here and think of my family a lot. I can’t wait to send some gifts home. 

Well my penchant for partying and waking up not knowing where I am has drastically decreased over the years although I find myself happy to reflect upon days where I could easily make friends and had much less hesitancy to bond with strangers over shots. These early days in Australia is where I felt the importance of community early on, 16 hours ahead of all I knew back in Chicago, Illinois. I was lucky to have Hann and Barbie by my side as we explored a new country, new boundaries and pure hedonistic existence.